Do we have to wear a mask? What are you, a trucker?
By John Morris
Do we have to wear a mask? What are you, a trucker? Well, go ahead, sand the anti-foul off your hull without one. We have a sale on used lungs!! Hahaha, an E-Zinger…
The folks on E are back at it with more demented zeal than ever as lockdowns un-lock. “I didn’t even know we had an E Dock, the Harbourmaster sneered. Those guys are cretins!”
Every club and many marinas have one. A dock at the corner of the property that has attracted a cadre of boat owners and their spouses, friends and even pets and children that exist somewhere in a parallel universe. The party never stops unless there’s work to be done, then they suddenly have returned to their supposed employment, or have been seconded by flying saucer people.
It’s spring on E Dock and there are boats to ready. Fortunately, everyone at the picnic table from Sherman to Little Alf is an expert. Ashad is the resident electrical guy, but he had to go to the beer store and will be back soon. Sal knows where the lifting straps are and so does his girlfriend Veronica, but Sal had to work today and Ronnie is getting the food for tonight’s barbecue. That’s life on E.
You may recall some of the past catastrophes on E Dock. Last year’s Tool Exchange was a fine undertaking that went so badly wrong. Initially planned as an annual spring festive camaraderie weekend to assist in sharing tools and know-how in order to ready the boats, it started quite well. Each boat brought out tool bags and displayed spanners, vice grips and particularly expensive specialty tools like terminal pullers and pines moisture analyzers. But suddenly, Cheerful Phil fired up his new RIB and zoomed by the dock, which undulated wildly, flipping needle-nose vice grips and PVC cutters off the boats and into the lake.
“You hardly ever need that stuff anyhow,” commented Phil later. “I can usually resolve my diesel problems with a hammer.”
A previous spring, the water levels were so high the dock bridge was underwater. Absentmindedly, Little Alf set his lunch down while scratching his beard. “Anyone want a damp egg salad sandwich or a soggy dill?” he offered in jovial friendship to the E-types. Oddly, no one seemed in the mood.
Inevitably the boats get launched and you might recall that when the weather got warm you may have seen signs for the E Dock Mid-summer Bikini and Speedo Pageant. It surely was a gorgeous July day when Dock Captain Veronica kicked off the pageant to applause and laughter. The even would have gone really well had the E-Dock Ladies Club not hired the Shippendales to spice things up in their captain’s hats, bow ties and little else. And even that would have been fine, had Ashad not tried to out-do them with a fancy demonstration of lifebuoy twirling. Say no more. It took more than a little sweet-talking to get them all bail in time for the barbecue.
There’s frequently demented instability occurring over at E. The original concept of melting beer cans and selling the aluminum ingots might have been great if the fire on the dinghy racks had been prevented. The collision between the visiting trawler and Sherman’s Beneteau probably could have been avoided if someone aboard either boat had been aware that it was blowing 45. And it was unfortunate that Sal tripped over the abandoned captain’s hats and bowties and struck his head on the submerged fender of Phil’s Kia that had slid into down the launch ramp when he left it in drive on return from the beer store.
Yes, there’s always lots going on down at E Dock. C’mon by and celebrate spring!